Dear Sir,

I smell you, but I cannot see you. 

On my weary trek home today, I found myself much too fatigued to endure the endless maze of escalators of which I usually climb in order to exit the steaming underground guts of Manhattan.  As an easy out, I decided to ride in the elevator instead and there to my wondering nostrils did appear… your scent!

I entered your lair of carnal intent absolutely flooded with your overpowering pheromones and yet you were nowhere to be found. I’ve read up on this phenomenon on that bastion of knowledge, Wikipedia.  Like the majestic coyote you have left your mark.  And I lucky, fertile female that I am have found it. I am here!  I am ready to breed.  Where are you??? 

In this oh so lonely city I’ve been told time and again what a complicated endeavor it is to find a mate and boy were they right! 

Heady with your musk, I exited the elevator traipsing on a cloud of euphoria.  The words, “I must find him!” kept repeating in my brain, like an obsessive mantra.  I floated up those final steps with the hope that you would be waiting for me at the top, but woefully found a mere scattering of humanity. Were you that elderly man in the long overcoat smiling at me so benevolently?  With an energy fueled by lust I hurled myself upon him.*sniff* what is that? Damn… it’s only Old Spice copiously slathered upon aging skin in order to cover the stench of liniment and day old feces.  That is not you.  Plunged into the pit of despair I fell to the sidewalk and rested my head. 

It took all of my resolve to pick myself up again. 

The long stretch home I shnuffed every tree, mailbox, and hydrant.  At one point, I thought I had found you but I ended up at the paws of a peevish and uninterested Pomeranian who was clearly not looking for me. 

Again the despair took hold of me.  I had to pause for a moment and lean up against a magazine stand.  While recuperating I thought again for a moment that I had found you, this time in the guise of a friendly gentleman making clicking noises at me from his van.  I took off running in his direction only to be disappointed once again upon catching up with the vehicle. Dep hair gel and some organic substance I could not quite place was all this kind stranger emitted.

WHERE ARE YOU? I am here, searching for you!!

Down but not out.  I made my way back to my lonely abode. With a flickering of hope, I sniffed the front door in case you had left me a scented message. 

No such luck.

I write this to you with the sincerest of hopes that you will hear my call.  Please know my longing is insufferable.  I must find you.  Until I do please know that my days will be spent longingly riding up and down every elevator of this great city until I pick up your scent once again. In the meantime, I will be drinking copious amounts of liquid in order to return your message. 

Yours eternally,

Sammi P.