New report: There are more BILLIONAIRES than ever before! In other words… the rich keep getting richer

Move over, Bill Gates (you too, Randolph and Mortimer).  Seems the Richest Motherfucker On The Planet Award now belongs to Mexican mobile telecommunications magnate Carlos Slim Helu, whose net worth is an estimated $53.5 billion (including an increased intake of 18.5 billion over the past year alone).

Also making the list is Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, with $4 billion.

That’s all fine and dandy, but when I later discovered that 2009, a horrible year for most of us, was actually a pretty goddamn great year for multi-millionaires.  218 of them were able to make the transition from merely multi-millionaires to the esteemed Billionaire’s Club, bringing the number of billionaires to 1,011.  To pour a little more salt in the wounds of anyone reading this whose wondering where their next dollar is coming, the World’s Billionaires have an average net worth of $3.5 billion, up $500 million in 12 months.

 

If you’re still fuzzy on any of my math, all you need to know is that the rich are getting richer.  Much, much richer.  Like insanely richer.  And, as usual, most of them are from the good ol’ USA.  That’s right, while the country goes broke, and good people lose their jobs, houses, and reasons to live, these guys continue to clean up like nobody’s business.

Bill Gates, who, you might remember, RETIRED from Microsoft and fell all the way to #2 with a net worth of $53 billion, enjoyed an increase of $13 billion from a year ago as shares of Microsoft rose 50% in 12 months. Additionally, his holdings in his personal investment vehicle Cascade also soared with the rest of the markets.

Third place billionaire Warren Buffett’s fortune jumped $10 billion to $47 billion on rising shares of Berkshire Hathaway.  He also, coincidentally invested $5 billion in Goldman Sachs and $3 billion in General Electric amid the 2008 market collapse.  Nothing suspicious there, I bet.

In his annual shareholder letter Buffett bragged, “We’ve put a lot of money to work during the chaos of the last two years. When it’s raining gold, reach for a bucket, not a thimble.”

In other words, when everyone else is reeling from the damage that Goldman Sachs and others inflicted upon a great many, a certain privileged few get to reap the rewards. 

Scumbags.
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Darren Robbins is a fellow graduate of the “Almost Famous” University, a gifted songwriter, raconteur and lovable curmudgeon.  When you’re not reading him here, check out his terrifc blog… HE’S A WHORE