The psychology of the female orgasm

The Female ORGASM.

It looms large in the male psyche. When you think of all the sturm and drang, fear, self loathing, feelings of inadequacy that can be associated with attempting to make a girl climax, it all seems a bit silly – especially considering that it’s something pretty much easily achieved with a little bit of rubbing.

Still, all this ‘worshipping at the altar of female sexuality’ continues. It’s never about the man – contrary to what the ‘perceived wisdom’ might be. I know women love to say that men are clueless, and only out to get laid, but this poses the question..  

‘When exactly did it get to be the man’s job to provide the orgasm anyway?’

I mean think about it, why is it that men must ‘achieve’ their own release, while women are ‘provided’ with theirs? I’ve always found this to be yet another instance of infantilizing the woman, and I’m sure it’s more prevalent here in America than anywhere else.

Of course looking at it logically, men probably have set up this situation themselves. By repressing women’s sexuality, we in turn must now go back in and find it for them. It’s the hero’s journey. This is all part of the sick puritanical hoe down – if you’ll pardon the pun.

I remember reading an article in the New York Times about a coed live-in commune dedicated to the female orgasm it was titled ‘The Pleasure Principle’. There was a quote that jumped out at me that stated…

“I don’t think women will really experience freedom until they own their sexuality.”

The thing that immediately popped in my brain was that it’s actually MEN that will never be free until they own their sexuality. Until women can be responsible for their own pleasure, true sexual liberation can never be achieved – or in the words of the immortal Richard Pryor…

‘Hey I GOT MINE… GET YOURS!!’

Personally I don’t know how many times I’ve had mind numbingly boring sex with women where it was all about THEIR orgasm. Complicated little rubiks cube permutations worked out to a science all for their benefit, sometimes performing excruciatingly painful prostrations as if I were some wine eunuch at the palace -  to hell with my own pleasure – and for what? What did I get out of it? An ego boost?

Big f’in deal… 

When you think about it, when it comes to sex; men’s pleasure doesn’t really play a whole lot into it. This first seems odd, as we are all so predisposed to think ‘it’s a man’s world’ across the board. The truth is it’s really a big scam – at least pertaining to the bedroom. As men we’re taught to appreciate sex as if we’re being handed some supreme gift from the gods, when the truth is there are two bodies being offered up, and all risks are shared.

When it comes down to it, for men it’s about ego and for women it’s about worship. The thing it should be about is animal – and I don’t mean one should bring a sheep into the proceedings.

Sex should be wild, unfettered, animalistic and free – free being the operative word. Yes we should do our best to make each other feel good, but the ultimate responsibility for our own pleasure should rest squarely on our individual shoulders. We should not rely on someone else for ANYTHING and that includes the orgasm.