10 Signs You’re A Hipster
10. You paid top-dollar for tickets to see Conan O’Brien’s comedy tour, then immediately updated your Facebook status, tweeted, and texted all your cool friends to rub it in their faces. Only thing is they got tickets too, dammit.
9. You have an NPR and/or Apple logo sticker on the rear window of your Prius.
8. You militantly recycle, to the point that even tree huggers find you annoying.
7. You proclaim the latest Radiohead or Wilco “the greatest album EVER” without even needing to remove the shrink wrap. You honestly believe that listening to said album would ruin the experience.
6. You can’t enjoy anything at face value. You laugh not at what is funny but at what you think Jack Kerouac would find mildly amusing, failing, of course, to realize that Jack Kerouac was a huge fucking asshole.
5. You saw “Little Miss Sunshine” 36 times, own it on DVD and Blu-Ray even though you have yet to acquire a Blu-Ray player. You had tickets to the stage production before the producers even knew they were going to make a stage production. Greg Kinnear lives in fear.
4. You have an unkempt beard and own a man purse, but call it a book bag.
3. You smoke only when there is someone there to see you do it, or to whom you can say “I’m taking a smoke break, be back in five.”
2. You broke up with your last serious boyfriend/girlfriend when they accidentally mocked a MGMT song. Plus, they owned way too many Journey albums (one).
1. You don’t like anything unless Pitchfork, Village Voice, the BBC’s Steve Lamacq or anyone on NPR raves about it first.
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Darren Robbins is a fellow graduate of the “Almost Famous” University, a gifted songwriter, raconteur and lovable curmudgeon. When you’re not reading him here, check out his terrifc blog… HE’S A WHORE
I have a question about Little Miss Sunshine. What was so great about it? I mean wasn’t it basically that the Grandpa taught the little girl to strip?
Plus, he was a heroin addict. So edgy. Pfft.
[...] 10 Signs You’re A Hipster [...]
0. You blog about hipsters, and offer no original thoughts.
None of these things are remotely “hip”? This is like a Williamsburg EDGE checklist.
Aha.. big difference between being hip and being a hipster..
whoever wrote this needs to do better research
Making fun of hipsters is soooooooo 2006.
you guys are haters to the max.
that being said, this was really unoriginal. i mean, that’s okay, as long as it’s funny. and it wasn’t, nor was it memorable. better luck next time.
yeah, man, who ever said hipsters were the least bit hip or original? they’re just sheep with a superiority complex.
Jeez.. you guys have pound cake for brains!
Just another 10 reasons why they all need punched in the face.
Bullshit. We love Journey.
journey does rule
You’ve confused “hipster” with “yuppie.” Epic fail.
Corrections:
10. Hipsters would pretend not to know who Conan O’Brien is. After all, he’s on TV. Hipsters don’t watch TV.
9. Prius? Hipsters don’t drive, they all ride bikes.
8. Hipsters aren’t willing to waste the time thinking about saving the planet – it takes away from thinking about themselves.
7. Hipsters don’t buy music. Also, their PARENTS listen to Wilco and Radiohead. Hipsters already think Sleigh Bells are yesterday’s news.
6. Who?
5. See 7 – hipsters don’t buy movies. Also, Little Miss Sunshine was WAY too family-oriented.
4. Hipsters are beyond the whole man purse thing – they’ve moved on to ironic fanny packs.
3. A break from what? Hipsters don’t have jobs. And why would they be anywhere they have to leave to smoke?
2. Ironic Journey tattoo = instant hipster cred.
1. By they time Pitchfork, Village Voice, the BBC’s Steve Lamacq or anyone on NPR raves about something, it’s already passé. In fact, if anyone raves about anything, it’s passé.
Most of these are taken from folks I’ve known, like a buddy of mine who works at Reckless Records in Chicago and writes for Pitchfork. He dumped his FIANCE for dissing MGMT and owning a Journey CD. For realz.
Sean’s right. Your list is weak.
really bad job. it’s amazing how hipster haters don’t even know what a hipster is.
Like the Russian police (harsh but fair) I think Dave is correct….
Sean – whoever you are- bravo
This is ridiculously off. Laughably so.
On the other hand, sean is pretty right on.
this makes most hipsters seem like non-hipsters, imo. O.o
The hipsters to which Sean is referring are mythological creatures…what every hipster likes to believe that they are. Like the dolt who trudges to work at the salt factory every day thinking he’s really a legendary author if only he could get past the title page of his epic novel. Also, it appears the lot of you fail to realize that there are such things as female hipsters, hence the Prius mention.
Hipsters are really panties from the 80′s aren’t they? These lesser life forms who congeal into human shaped blobs and parrot a semblance of homo sapien verbal communication are best left to rot.
Such loathsome and irritating areas on our own bodies are generally scraped, burned, frozen or removed.
Why not so with our own environment.
This sounds like you based it on one or two people you know who are probably self described hipsters, when in fact, they are pretty much yuppies.
+1 for Sean’s list. He nailed it.
Apparently, Darren has never spent any time in Williamsburg or at a show in Baltimore. And that buddy of yours sounds more like a generic, douchey music snob than a hipster. Hipsters, trust me, think Pitchfork is old media.
I think the basic problem here is that your list applies more to the Generation X variety of hipster, who now have mortgages and kids. Current-day hipsters would be loathe to have either.
I think it’s always easier to state what something isn’t than what it is. Sean’s list does seem more specific, but only in relation to the original. I’m sure the next person on here to post their own will be even more spot on!
I’m always drawn to lists like this, whether I find them accurate or not, because it says something about how hipsters are perceived by others.
As a semi-hipster myself I enjoy finding out what traits are unique to me and which are defining characteristics of a larger group.
“Also, it appears the lot of you fail to realize that there are such things as female hipsters, hence the Prius mention.” ???
Oh, right, girls don’t ride bikes… or… um…. huh?
Also, this:
“Hybrid drivers have higher income, much higher than the average car buyer. In 2004, J.D. Power reported that hybrid owner incomes are $100,000 a year versus $85,000 a year for the average buyer. In a 2007 survey of 118 Prius drivers by Topline Strategy Group, 71 percent of respondents earned more than $100,000 per year. A 2007 study by Scarborough Research— approx. 1,000 hybrid drivers, not just Prius owners, gave answers—showed that 42 percent have an income of greater than $100,000.
Hybrid drivers are a few years older than the average car buyer—closer to 50 rather than the average age of 40. J.D. Power’s 2007 review of auto industry marketing showed that only 2 percent of hybrid owners are 24 or younger; while 29 percent are between 45 and 54; and 33 percent are 55 and older. The 2007 Scarborough Research pegged the number of age 50+ hybrid drivers at 23 percent.”
Old? Wealthy? Not hipsters.
…AND from Topline Strategy Group:
“Klein believes that the demographics of Prius buyers in his study are indicative of the broader hybrid market:
* 71 percent of respondents earned more than $100,000 per year.
* 73 percent were 40 years or older.
* 58 percent were men.”
So a 58/42 split between men/women.
I’ll stop now. Less of a hipster, more of a nerd…
Since when are hipsters supposed to be low income.. I know a ton of well-off douchewad hipsters… Theyr’e the BIGGEST hipsters in fact cause they have the bread to get douchey hipster stuff.. You obviously are not getting the definition..
… and yeah Hipsters are the NEW yuppies..
Those are trust fund hipsters.
And again, Gen X hipsters are the NEW yuppies.
My list is based on generalizations…as it wouldn’t apply to very many if I got too specific. Therefore, there are some aspects of the list that apply to one aspect of hipsterdom, and others that apply to another. To suggest that true hipsters only reside in Williamburg, Baltimore, etc. is completely inaccurate, as is the idea that they only fall into only one age or economic demographic.
Are older hipsters now yuppies? Perhaps from an economic viewpoint, but this list is not based upon that criteria. At their core, they’ll always be hipsters.
let’s deconstruct this post one item at a time, shall we?
10. first of all, a hipster would never be caught dead attending anything as mainstream as the conan comedy tour, much less brag about it. second, the tickets cost upwards of $100–none of the hipsters i know would spend that kind of money on ANY show.
9. a prius? really? a fixed-gear bicycle maybe, but never a prius. and although all hipsters own macbooks, one would never flaunt his or her ownership and dedication to the product for the world to see.
8. this one is just plain stupid so i am going to skip it. recycling is so 5 years ago–it’s all about composting now.
7. ha. hahahaha. wilco? fucking RADIO HEAD? not only are these bands that haven’t been considered hipster fodder for at least a decade, a hipster would never, EVER proclaim that their favorite band’s new album is the best ever. everyone’s latest album is a piece of shit, even before the shrink wrap is removed. and s/he would have bought it on vinyl.
6. kerouac? fucking high school sophomore amateur shit. kerouac WAS a fucking asshole, and hipsters know this. to filter everything comedic through kerouac is to admit that that’s the most impressive author whose work you’ve ever read, and that is pathetic.
5. this one is even stupider than #8, so i really am just going to skip it without saying anything (except this: blu-ray? srsly?)
4. okay unkempt beard, sure. you got one right. but a book bag is a book bag, who the fuck even uses the phrase “man purse”?
3. hipsters are addicted black lunged smokers, regardless of who is watching/listening to them. plus smoking in private is better anyway, since no one will try to bum your rollies.
2. every hipster broke up with mgmt the moment they shortened their name from the management and got signed to columbia. they’re dead to us now (and i even go to wesleyan). in fact, it is much more likely that a hipster would listen to journey–albeit ironically–than anything post-ep mgmt, especially that sack of shit that is posing as their new album.
1. by the time it gets to Pitchfork, Village Voice, the BBC’s Steve Lamacq that shit is long gone, honey. gotta catch it early and ride that wave while you can, or before you know it your high school little sister will be covering it with the one Cool Kid Who Plays Guitar at the annual talent show.
this article is just another example of people using the term “hipster” when they clearly mean “yuppie.” besides, hipsters aren’t called “hipsters” anymore–they’re “fauxhemians”: http://gawker.com/5500197/your-new-hipster-slur-fauxhemians
(haha just kidding, who the fuck reads gawker anymore?)
You people sound like you like to be labeled.
A sign you are a hipster: You just read this and thought the person who wrote it is a clueless fuckin’ idiot.
Actually that would probably be a lot of people who aren’t even hipsters…
I think it’s unfair to let hipsters claim NPR and recycling. And why bag on someone for recycling? Let them do it. This is like when people complain that all hipsters ride bikes. One less car on the road is fine by me.
No, making fun of hipsters is so now.
Hipsters don’t need a checklist to be identified. They’re like dogshit, in that I haven’t seen all the dogshit in the world, but I know it when I smell it.
graciela: It’s all well and good that they can’t afford to drive, but they can still be assholes interacting with me in traffic on their vintage fixed-gear bikes. I dunno how many times I’ve nearly killed someone because some weiner on a bike decided to act like they own the road.
[...] How the mighty have fallen. What makes one a hipster anyway? Sure, I giggle at many of the articles, images and videos that poke fun at the posy aspects of the culture. A prominent tattoo is not for [...]
[...] makes one a hipster anyway? Sure, I giggle at many of the articles, images and videos that poke fun at the posy aspects of the culture. A prominent tattoo is not for [...]