Desperate man forced to settle for Bald Chick in ‘Mass Effect 2’, after being rejected by Miranda Lawson, hotter, British, Cerberus Operative

A Nutley N.J. native, M. Stein, is swearing off women altogether after an unsatisfying romance in ‘Mass Effect 2’.  

According to a close friend, his heart was broken by sexy Miranda Lawson; the chilly Cerberus Operative.

“I know that they had been working together,” the inside source blabbed, “But I didn’t know how far it went until just recently.  The dude hasn’t left his room in a week and won’t answer his tweets!”

When pressed for the straight scoop, Stein though reticent, eventually opens up.

“I don’t know what I did, what I could’ve said to set her off”, he stammers, nearly on the verge of tears, “She won’t talk to me… completely cut me out of her life at the drop of a hat and never gave me a chance to explain myself.  I thought we had something special, now I know it was all lies… so cold… so cold”

Taking a drag on a cigarette (his apartment abounds with filled ashtrays), he goes on, “I mean, I fly to the Goddamn ends of the earth to rescue her little sister from the evil hands of her power-mad father, and THIS is the thanks I get?”

Exhaling slowly, he continues, “Anyway, so after a while, I just kind of fell into a tawdry affair with ‘Jack’, this crazy bald bitch I met escaping a space prison.  Nothing about her appeals to me sexually, she’s crass, violent and promiscuous, and, oh, did I mention that she was bald? But she was available, and I let it happen… it was a totally hollow experience…. and now, on top of all my other problems, I’ve got this psychotic, homicidal ex-con stalking me!!”

He opens the curtains a bit, letting in a little sun, and stares out the window pensively, “I just can’t win”, he whines ruefully, “I just can’t win”.