In a new interview with “60 Minutes” airing Nov. 27th, Angelina Jolie tells correspondent Bob Simon she’s lucky to be alive.

“I went though heavy darker times and I survived them. I didn’t die young, so I’m very lucky. There are other artists and people who didn’t survive certain things,” she said.

She didn’t go into specifics, but added, “I think people can imagine that I did the most dangerous and I did the worst — and for many reasons I shouldn’t be here.”

Hmmm…the most dangerous and worst? That’s a pretty large sandbox of potential perversity right there…pretty…prettyyy…pretty big. I mean, we all know about the vials of blood she and her ex-hubby Billy Bob wore around her neck, plus the tonsil hockey action she engaged in with with her brother. Still, ‘the most dangerous and worst’? The mind boggles. I don’t know why, but I’m imagining a vigorous sodomy session with a rutting bull moose, whilst mainlining a combination of crystal meth and Clorox. Of course, that’s just how I roll.

These days, she saves her wild side for Brad…or so she told “60 Minutes.”

“I’m still a bad girl. I still have that side of me … it’s just in its place now. It belongs to Brad. Or our adventures.”

Sheesh… I can only imagine what these two rapidly aging wax figures idea of adventure could be.

Judas Priest / British Steel

If you call yourself a metal maniac and don’t own this record, you may as well have a pile of Barbie dolls and Justin Beiber posters under your bed. Whatever heavy metal had been prior to this album’s release, Rob Halford & Co. virtually reinvented the genre with this record, which has stood as a monolithic heavy metal template for 30+ years. For starters, this album is the first to feature the full classic line-up, which was rounded out by the introduction of drummer Dave Holland on this record. Holland’s addition solidified the rhythm section, adding more pavement-chewing power to the twin-guitar attack of Glenn Tipton and KK Downing. Upon taking one listen to the iconic riffage of “Breaking The Law”, the pulsating drive of “Living After Midnight”, and the annihilating groove of “Grinder”, metal fans knew they were witnessing the dawn of a new period in metal. Even 30 years later, this album still packs one helluva punch. Best to not stand too close to the speakers, for fear of catching a metal-spiked knuckle sandwich.

Deep Purple / Machine Head

Before we start raving about this one, we think it bears to mention that back in these halcyon days of metal, bands didn’t just rocket to the top of the charts with their first album. Nope, back in those days, the road to fame and fortune was a long one, full of dead-end streets and tricky terrain. For Deep Purple, it took them six albums to finally reach the mass audience they now fully deserved. With the release of Machine Head in 1972 the band’s transformation from prog-rock act to full-blown heavy metal trailblazer was complete and, with it, came their first taste of worldwide success. Sure, this is the album that has “Smoke On The Water” on it. That, in and of itself, qualifies this album for inclusion on just about any list of great metal albums, but anyone who has taken the time to listen to the rest of the album will find a virtual treasure trove of metal gold sprinkled liberally over the album’s seven tracks. That’s right, this album has only seven songs on it. Why only seven, you ask? Because these seven songs were so fucking heavy, man. Your standard slice of 12″ vinyl could literally not hold any more. With the inclusion of jaw-dropping rockers like “Highway Star”, “Lazy”, and “Space Truckin’”, this album is the definitive Deep Purple record and one of the heaviest records ever made.

Black Sabbath / Paranoid

While many consider the band’s debut album, released less than six months prior to this one, to be the shot that started the musical movement that is “heavy metal”, we at The Shit consider Paranoid to be first truly great heavy metal album ever made. Sure, that first record sounds like it dropped out of a fucking space ship, sounding completely unlike anything anyone had ever heard before, but the songwriting still left a little to be desired. On Paranoid, though, the band hit upon a truly potent powder keg of hooks and monster riffage that was highlighted by songs such as “War Pigs”, “Iron Man”, and the title cut. In hindsight, we truly believe that if Paranoid had been Black Sabbath’s first album, it would have blown the heads off of all who heard it. By breaking in their audience with a debut album that was, in essence, a warning shot, the world was that much more ready to digest the metal that was to come. Amazingly, this album sounds just as subversive and evil as the day it came out. Even more amazingly, the original Black Sabbath line-up has recently reunited and will unveil a new album and world tour in 2012.

King Crimson / In The Court Of The Crimson King

Okay, many who’ve never heard it, dismiss this album as “prog wankery”, but that’s just their complete ignorance talking. In truth, this album is as heavy as any heavy metal album ever made and, based on that fact alone, it qualifies for this list. Truth be told, on paper, this group led by classically-trained guitarist Robert Fripp should never have been able to create an album this monstrously heavy. From the opening wail of “21st Century Schizoid Man”, this album literally rockets out of the speakers with a sense of premeditated mayhem that is starkly mesmerizing. There is a dissonant urgency to the album that perfectly matches the album cover of an obviously horrified man captured mid-scream. While the album contains only five songs, the arrangements are so complex that there seems to be many smaller songs within each song, each playing a part in an overall conceptual presentation that is as visual as it is musical.

Motorhead / Ace Of Spades

The very fact that Motorhead lived long enough to make their first album is a testament to the strength of supreme underdog, Lemmy Kilmister. After all, their first album was initially recorded after they’d enlisted a recording engineer to record their final gig after failing to get a record deal. Said engineer then offered to take them into the studio to record a single, which turned into a mnarathon recording session that saw the band lay down thirteen basic tracks. As if that weren’t enough, the band kept hammering away until they finally put all the pieces together on their fourth album, Ace of Spades, thereby creating an explosive heavy metal masterpiece that can still knock you on your ass. Lemmy, of course, attributes new producer Vic Maile with much of the credit for helping the band finally harness the raw power that they’d long displayed as a live act, and for pushing Lemmy to write some of his best songs ever. Lemmy, of course, did just that, turning in such gems as “Shoot You In The Back”, “Jailbait”, and the legendary title cut.

Iron Maiden / The Number Of The Beast

Sure, you’d be hard-pressed to include Iron Maiden in metal’s first wave, but their triumphant 1982 masterpiece is definitely an old school main-stay that belongs on any metal Top 10 list. While not exactly speed metal, Maiden was the first band to up-the-tempos while, at the same time, seeing how many guitarists they could fit onstage! HA! This album is remarkable for not only featuring new drummer Clive Burr, but a new singer by the name of Bruce Dickinson. Together, they set the band’s iconic line-up in concrete. Those who don’t think this album was essential never visited an amusement park during the summer of ’82. If they had, they’d have lost track of all the Maiden t-shirts. In the years since its release, the monstrous impact of this album remains fully intact. One listen to “Run To The Hills”, “Hallowed Be Thy Name, or the blistering title cut and you’ll be picking your jaw off the floor.


Metallica / Ride The Lightning

Sure, Metallica have completely lost touch with their inner metalheads – how else to explain the musical atrocity that is “Lulu”, the album they recorded with Lou Reed? – but back in 1984, these guys injected som,e serious venom into the metal mix, proving that this California-based underdog could rock with the best of them. Granted, it took a European tape-trading frenzy to bring them to the attention of metal fans in their own backyard, but it is this ambition that breathes serious life into this album, which remains the #1 most influential thrash metal album ever recorded. Anyone who can listen to the one-two throat punch of “Ride The Lightning” and “For Whom The Bell Tolls” and not be banging their head gloriously off the dashboard should be checked for a pulse. While many might call “…And Justice For All” the band’s best album, it is this effort that sees a young and hungry Metallica out to prove they can hang with the big boys. They would never sound this vibrant again.

Ozzy Osbourne / Blizzard Of Ozz

With the original line-up of Black Sabbath having run out of ideas and patience with one another, the state of heavy metal in general lied in peril. Truth be told, other once great bands like Deep Purple and UFO had fallen victim to internal squabbles as well. Additionally, punk and new wave had become the musical genres most closely associated with teenage rebellion. It wasn’t until Ozzy Osbourne teamed with former Quiet Riot guitarist Randy Rhoads to record his legendary debut solo album that heavy metal was literally reinvented. Almost instantly after its release, every disillusioned kid in suburbia knew the words to every song on this album and Ozzy Osbourne was enjoying the greatest commercial success of his career mere months after virtually every major label in the US and UK had turned him down. Like Eddie Van Halen had done a couple years earlier, Randy Rhoads masterful riffage on this album set in motion a tsunami of teenage wanna-be’s who began emulating his style. While his prowess is undeniable, it is the strength of the songs and the cohesive nature of the album that made Ozzy a household name a year after getting kicked out of Sabbath.


Starz / Violation

While some may dismiss this band simply because their lone hit, “Cherry Baby”, was a little on the sugary side, anyone who has taken the time to listen to this entire album knows exactly why Metal Blade Records saw fit to release the band’s entire catalog in the ’90s…because this band literally defined the genre that would become pop metal, or hair metal, or whatever you wish to call it. One listen to the devilishly twisted lyrics of songs “Subway Terror” (sung from the POV of a serial rapist), “Violation” (railing against the confines of life in an institution) and the Stones-y “Cool One”, with the hilarious line “She reached over and she squeezed on my rocks/I lost it all in the popcorn box”. Despite the band’s stunning ability to slay audiences with their twin-guitar attack and over-the-top showmanship, a legion of lesser acts (*cough*POISON*cough) stole their schtick and rode it to platinum success, proving that perhaps this band was merely a decade or so ahead of their time.

Thin Lizzy / Jailbreak

I still remember the very first time I heard the song “Jailbreak”. I was maybe ten years old, riding around in an Econoline van with my teenage uncle and my younger brother. My uncle had control of the 8-track player, of course, and was pumping the jams. As the part in the song where a siren wails in the background, my little brother actually leaned out the window to see if the cops were chasing us. Unc and I laughed our asses off. Cherished childhood memories aside, Jailbreak remains one of the finest moments in heavy metal, with Phil Lynott and company brandishing the mighty metal sword that would see them play to hundreds of thousands of devoted fans and influence the likes of Metallica’s James Hetfield. This loose concept album is a non-stop riff-laden tour de force that charges at you like a pissed-off bull in a china shop, beginning with the aforementioned title cut and continuing the barrage with monumental tracks like “The Boys Are Back In Town” and “Cowboy Song”. By the time the final strains of “Emerald” fade out, the listener is left completely spent, both arms tired from endless air-guitar playing.nd the legendary title cut.

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Darren Robbins is a fellow graduate of the “Almost Famous” University, a gifted songwriter, raconteur and lovable curmudgeon.  When you’re not reading him here, check out his outstanding blog… FUDGEKNUCKLE…check out his new STORE as well.

A couple of previously unreleased tracks from Radiohead’s early days were recently posted on Pitchfork and they’re pretty facinating. Recorded in 1986, they definitely reveal a satchel full of promise especially the surprisingly mature ‘Girl (In the Purple Dress). Made six years before the release of their first album, Pablo Honey, the sound is decidedly 80s-y, a sonic fact firmly underscored by the wistful sax solos which adorn both tunes.

Though neither of these dittys are masterpieces by any stretch, they’re still pretty damned good for a collective of teens trying to find their sound.

Apparently, they were posted to Youtube by an ex-band member who’s held on to them for the past 25 years. A man of true integrity, he probably could’ve gotten a pretty penny by selling em’ off to one of those glossy Brit mags.

Anyway… see what you think of em’.

When I really think about it, I’d say Woody Allen has had one hell of a major impact on my life. His films, books, one-liners, even his personal style, I’ve assimilated it all into my gestalt like some borsht-y Borg. From my thick black rimmed glasses down to the soles of my saddle shoes, I’m a dyed in the wool fan. Still, being a New York City, Jewish neurotic, born into a perpetual state of metaphysical malaise, well, how could I not be?  That being said, you can imagine how much I was looking forward to watching the American Masters special, ‘Woody Allen: A Documentary’ and right off the bat, I can say with no small measure of conviction that documentarian Robert Wade’s attempt at providing fresh insight into the life and work of the diminutive, carrot-topped genius, generally does not disappoint.

Split up into two parts – the earlier ‘funnier’ years and the Soon-Yi-er era – I personally found the second half far more captivating. Sunday night’s intro was pleasant enough, dishing up a competent summary of his ascension from gag writer to lauded stand-up comic, as well as his eventual –and miraculously seamless – transition into filmmaking.  Still, having read Eric Lax’s excellent biography on Allen, there wasn’t too much I already didn’t know about this phase of Woody’s career.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a few tidbits scattered amidst the general table setting which were quite compelling, particularly Diane Keaton’s reminiscences of her former lover/movie partner. Additionally, the sections in which Wade captures Allen on camera touring his old neighborhood, discussing his legendary existential angst and showing off his old-school editing process, are all entertaining as well – if not all that revealing. Thing is, even when Woody is talking directly about himself, his tone is so detached, he may as well be reading the phone book. Listening to Allen describe in that slightly bored delivery of his, the ease in which his ambitions unfurled before him from the word go, sort of got under my skin. This is a man who’s never had to struggle for much of anything in his life and yet every other utterance of his is patinated in fatigued discontent.

It became tiresome after a while.

Aside from these brief snippets, there’s a lot of discussion about his first forays into film. I found these sections a tad eye-glazing, after all,  how much more can really be said about – ‘Take the Money and Run’, ‘Bananas’, ‘Sleeper’, ‘Love and Death’, ‘Annie Hall’ and ‘Manhattan’? I mean, these movies are marble pillars in the pantheon of cinematic greatness. There’s really no new analytical perch to pontificate from when it comes to these pristine efforts.

The first episode concludes with ‘Stardust Memories’ which at the time was widely considered to be a misstep after the huge success of ‘Manhattan’.  Most people believed the film was a mean spirited Fellini rip-off and after years of being a critical darling who could do no wrong, Woody was genuinely taken to task for the negative way he depicted his fans. I’ve actually always enjoyed that film a lot. It’s a bit uneven, and his obvious disdain for his audience is a drag, but there are some great moments.

The second half of the documentary reviewed his later work, but did not dawdle too long over any film in particular. This gave it a welcomed zippier feel and left more room to concentrate on other aspects of Allen’s life, specifically his working relationship with Mia Farrow and their ultimately messy break up, as well as some interesting insights into the way he directs his actors.

Watching the two episodes back to back, it’s hard not to compare the Keaton years with the Farrow years. In the end, I feel they’re both pretty evenly matched. I will say though, that I very much prefer Keaton as a cinematic presence, as I oftentimes  find Farrow grating and mealy-mouthed and generally believe her to be the weak link in many of his films. Still, the writing in the Farrow period is so strong it surmounts her shortcomings as an actress. At the end of the day, if you were to take the two movies that best represent those two eras – ‘Annie Hall’ and ‘Hannah and her Sisters’ – and put them head to head in an ultimate death match, who would win?

It’s just too close to call.

The most revealing moments of the documentary came during the segments focussing on the sturm and drang of the Soon-Yi debacle and their subsequent life together. It’s plain to see that the years spent with his purloined princess have changed his perspective, cinematically and otherwise. The sexiness of ‘Match Point’ and whimsy of ‘Midnight in Paris’ seem to directly reflect on the nature of their relationship. His abject neuroticism has faded to near non-existence, and has been replaced with a slicker, younger, more carnal sensibility. It’s amazing to think that at this point in his career, the bespectacled legend’s become more relevant than ever before – at least in the commercial sense.

As one of those Woody Allen geeks, who obsessively quote his films whilst mimic-ing his comic stammer, I must profess to feeling a bit bummed out by that reality. Then again, I still cling to my neuroses like a rhesus monkey.

Ultimately, Wade paints a likable portrait of a comic icon. Edges are softened, indiscretions Photoshop-ed, and after watching it all, this man who has had such an influence on my life and millions of others seemed more remote than ever before. I suppose it’s always somewhat of an exercise in futility to try and get at the core of an artist like Allen. The best thing to do is rent one of his movies and enjoy – I recommend the ‘early funny’ ones.

The mayors of Oakland, California and New York City apparently have no understanding of human history – not to mention human nature. They attempted this week to shut down the Occupy Wall Street movements of their respective cities through means of violence and intimidation. It didn’t quite work out too well for them. Quite to the contrary. Not only have they not weakened the movement, they have instead strengthened it – tenfold.

When people have been subjected over long periods to injustice, it’s only a matter of time before they revolt. Revolution is not something that can be swept away by think tanks or police riots. It’s a bit more complicated than that. Revolution-in-reaction-to-human-cruelty is as natural as the sun rising in the eastern sky. All the king’s pepper spray and all the king’s soldiers can’t stop a rising sun either. Try it sometime.

The comedian-turned-activist Dick Gregory once compared revolution to a boiling coffeepot. When the pot starts to boil, it protests by making a whistling sound. It is giving us a fair warning and a choice: We can wisely take that pot off the fire, or we can plug up the spout that’s making all that hideous racket. If our choice is the latter, eventually that pot is going to explode, burning everybody in the room.

The people who are now in the process of occupying this once-great nation can be likened to that boiling coffeepot. They are sending the “rulers” of this country a clear and unmistakable warning: Give us economic justice or be prepared to live with permanent civil unrest. Here’s another pearl of wisdom courtesy of Dick Gregory:

“Repression is more detrimental to the ones who are doing the repressing than it is to the ones who are being repressed.”

Something to think about. The ground of the planet earth is littered with the graves of regimes and ideologies that fell of their own, bloated weight. The times they are indeed a’changin’. Get out of the way or get rolled over.

It would seem to me that “the suits” don’t take the power of the American people all-too seriously. That shouldn’t surprise us.. Sooner or later they’ll realize that we have the power to shut this country down. They don’t. In fact, even if they did have the power, they wouldn’t dare shut it down. The need for the machine to keep churning out bodies. Lots and lots of bodies.

And as is usually the case, most of the main stream media refuses to understand what is happening. Rupert Murdoch’s propaganda empire has been busy portraying the movement as a cabal of thugs and perverts. The main charge that has been leveled by the talking heads against the Occupy movement is this little gem:

“THEY CANNOT DEFINE AND DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS THEY’RE PROTESTING AGAINST!”

Sure they do. I do not attempt here to define myself as a spokesman for this movement. One of the neat things about Occupy Wall Street lies in the fact that, unlike their Tea party counterparts, there is no cult of personality. We do not have our own Glenn Beck – and that’s a good thing, I promise you! But let me take just a brief moment to step into the roll of interpreter. First, a quote:

“Governments are instituted among men [and women - fess up!] deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

NOTE TO SEAN HANNITY:

NO, that wasn’t from the Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx. Nor is it from the pens of Che Guevara or Stokely Carmichael. That nasty little bit of revolutionary screed was written by none other than Thomas Jefferson, and is from a document which was ratified on 4 July 1776 and now rests snugly in our national archives. When this country was formed, those present – and succeeding generations of Americans – were given an instruction manual called the Declaration of Independence. It may be found at all public libraries and any computer search engine. I’m also certain you can find it in audio form on CD. Hell, it might even be available on 8-Track tape somewhere for all I know. Its message is as clear as sunlight. When those who govern become destructive toward the happiness and well being of the governed, revolution is not merely an option. It is a duty. Ting-a-ling-a-ling!

Thirty-one years ago this month, on Election Day 1980, the American people were placed on a path that would eventually lead to the destruction of their social and economic infrastructure. Deregulation of the marketplace – and tax cuts for a class of people who already had more money than they knew what to do with – were the new and seemingly permanent reality in America.

We are now learning the extent to which private banks went to gamble on and squander the money – our money – only to be bailed out of the mess by the same people whose treasure was squandered in the first place. We had no say in the matter, and not a single condition was placed upon the corrupted banks. In the meantime the middle class, the engine that once fueled our economy, is falling apart. The American dream is as dead as a doornail.

And they’re wondering why we’re pissed off. Imagine that.

What do we want? We want economic justice. When do we want it? NOW, BABY! But we’re realistic. We can wait them out for as long as it takes. The plutocracy has one of two choices. This is a black or white. There are no subtle shades of gray that can be misinterpreted. Either the wealth of this country will be redistributed via the route of taxation – or they can expect civil chaos for as long as it takes to wake America up from its stupor. If it takes decades, so be it. If it takes a century, so be it. If it means the complete and utter destruction of the Republican and Democratic parties – even better. For as long as it takes. In the long run it will cost them a hell-of-a-lot less to give in than to keep obstructing the will of the majority. To paraphrase Mick Jagger (0r was it Keith Richards?) Time is on our side – yes it is.

You say you’ll change the constitution,well you know
We’d all love to change your head
You tell me it’s the institution, well you know
You’d better free your mind instead

-John Lennon

But if you go carrying pictures of Rush Limbaugh
You ain’t gonna make it anyone anyhow

-Me

We are at a point (according to the pollsters) where the popularity of the congress is at an all time low (hovering just below nine percent). They’re telling us that Paris Hilton and Communism have better numbers. I’m not surprised. What is surprising, and in spite of the propaganda aimed against it, is that the Occupy Wall Street movement’s numbers are comparatively high, and rising by the hour. This movement ain’t no fad, boys and girls, and the good people out in the streets are in it for the long haul. I was just reminded of a great quotation from Mahatma Gandhi:

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

We win. Isn’t this a neat time to be alive?

AFTERTHOUGHT:

In an appearance this morning on Face the Nation with Bob Schieffer, Ron Paul made the following statement:

“To argue that they attacked us on 9/11 because we are free and prosperous is dangerous because it’s not true”

Old Ron is correct here on more levels than he realizes. We are neither free nor prosperous. Hi ho.

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TOM DEGAN is a fifty-one year old video artist who in 2006 became so thoroughly disgusted at the state of America’s national political dialogue, he decided to take time off to become a freaking civics teacher. When you’re not reading him here, check out his awesome blog “The Rant”

Some actors suck at it (we’re talking to you Sean Penn) and others are born naturals… Check out our top 10 favorite performances by actors playing musicians…

With the release of his first full-length solo record, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, former Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher breaks a two-year silence and, in doing so, finally joins his brother Liam in the post-Oasis sweepstakes. Liam, of course, lobbed the first grenade with his band Beady Eye and, while that album was not without its charm, many (myself included) felt the band and the album wore their influences a tad too obviously.

Of course, Noel is no stranger to penning tunes that owe an obvious debt to “the classics” – the Beatles, for starters – so perhaps its a bit much to expect Noel to shun all imitation now.

Album opener “Everyone’s On The Run” sounds like the sort of Oasis b-side that a sold-out Wembley Stadium crowd knows all the words to, its grandeur tastefully heightened by a sweeping string section. Heck, I can see the video in my mind’s eye, Noel at the mic, singing to the back row as a fan unfurls a large banner that reads “Liam Who?!”

“Dream On” follows, sounding very much like the song Chris Martin has been trying to write all his life. Noel’s love for Coldplay’s “Yellow” notwithstanding, this track proves quite succinctly that Noel’s talents far out-kick Martin & Co. when so inclined.

Let’s face it, unless he’s been quietly blowing through his cash since splitting Oasis, Noel’s got enough money to never need to make another album. He’s sold millions, played to millions, seen his name in lights, and those of us who’ve never experienced such things respectfully wonder what’s really left to prove? Of course, that hasn’t stopped many a rock legend from making a crap album anyway.

“If I Had A Gun” defies its own title in exploring Noel’s wistful, sentimental side. It’s the sort of song the hooligans would’ve hated, but the girls would have loved and, at the end of the day, it’s the girls who really matter. After all, hooligans don’t buy records, they steal ‘em.

Thus far, stylistically speaking, the album hasn’t strayed too far from the Oasis formula, which is just fine by me. One surmises that if Noel had gone out trying to sound like anything but Oasis, most of his fan base would have chucked the album out the window by now. Therein lies the rub for a guy like Noel. Maybe he really wants to make a country album. Or maybe his heart lies in the burgeoning Icelandic folk metal scene. Sadly, because he’s known the world over as the guitarist/songwriter/sometimes-singer in Oasis, he’s forever tethered to that soulful mid-tempo rock sound for which Oasis is known. Of course, nobody said he couldn’t throw the occasional wrench into the spokes. “The Death Of You And Me” is that wrench – for this album at least – wherein Noel seems perfectly content to not be himself today. The result is a jaunty, folk-tinged ditty that soars on gossamer wings, highlighted by finger-picked guitars, horns, and tasty falsetto flourishes from Noel himself.

What’s most admirable about Noel circa 2011 is that he knows damn well the world has changed, that only the remnants of a once-thriving music industry remain, and that now is without a doubt the worst time ever to be “starting from scratch”. You couldn’t blame the guy for choosing to now look back in anger, but, on “(I Wanna Live In A Dream In My) Record Machine” , he chooses to relive those heady days when the turntable was a universe unto itself.

“What A Life” begins with a propulsive drum/piano groove upon which Gallagher builds a slyly hypnotic vocal melody that you’ll find yourself singing later, trust me. This is the sort of song lesser artists have built an entire career upon, whereas dear Noel’s tossing off winners left and right. It wasn’t until I heard this song that I realized that Noel’s about halfway through the most ambitious record of his life.

While tracks like “Soldier Boys And Jesus Freaks” and “(Stranded On) The Wrong Beach” rock convincingly, it’s when Noel indulges his knack for elegiac mid-tempo ballads like “Stop The Clocks” that he’s impossible to ignore.

“A Simple Game Of Genius” rocks a little harder, but is a grand gem nonetheless, even if Noel can’t help himself by slipping “kaleidoscope eyes” into the chorus.

The album closes with “The Good Rebel”, a rousing rocker recorded loosely and with an obvious devil-may-care swagger. Close your eyes and you can see the credits roll on a mind movie you can’t wait to watch again. Just hit “REPEAT” and away you go.

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Darren Robbins is a fellow graduate of the “Almost Famous” University, a gifted songwriter, raconteur and lovable curmudgeon.  When you’re not reading him here, check out his outstanding blog… FUDGEKNUCKLE…check out his new STORE as well.

Pretenders (1980)

With quite a unique battle plan (move from Ohio to the UK, become a journalist for NME, start a band with three crazy Brits, voila!), Chrissie Hynde defied the odds on a number of fronts and took the rock world by storm in 1980 as frontwoman for the Pretenders. Their stunning self-titled debut album was just brash enough to appeal to the post-punks and just slick enough top garner Top 40 radio airplay in the US, where the album went Top 10 and sold over a million copies while “Brass In Pocket” stayed in heavy rotation on radio playlists. Hynde’s songs were gems, of course, but they were made all the more potent thanks to the musical roundhouse punch administered by James Honeyman-Scott (guitar), Pete Farndon (bass) and Martin Chambers (drums). This album captures a brief moment in time when the Pretenders were firing on all cylinders and had the world by the proverbial tail. Sadly, recapturing lightning in a bottle would prove impossible and, by the mid-1980′s, Farndon and Honeyman-Scott would both be dead of drug-related overdoses.

The Cars (1978)

Many consider this album to be a landmark musical event so fully connected to the ’80s, but very few realize that the album actually came out in 1978. This is due, in part, to producer Roy Thomas Baker’s sterling production, which still sounds fresh today. Otherwise, why would companies still be licensing tracks from this album in order to capture that hip and bubbly “modern” ’80s sound?
Having said this, if you’ve heard any of the demos the band recorded prior to recording this album, you’re fully aware that the songs and arrangements were already fully developed. Baker still deserves much of the credit, though, for being smart enough to stay out of the band’s way, by and large.

Sex Pistols / Never Mind The Bollocks (1977)

Looking back, it’s amazing how much of a David and Goliath story the Sex Pistols were and how they almost singlehandedly changed the entire musical landscape. Granted, the punk revolution wasn’t televised in the US, but, oh, to have been a young kid in England as Msgrs. Rotten, Cook, Jones, and Matlock sneered their way from obscurity to the “Top of The Pops”. Those that consider the Pistols a sort of punk-rock Monkees need only take one listen to this album at top volume to realize that this is the real deal. It may not be sophisticated, or some reinvention of the wheel, but it is real reight down to Steve Jones’ multi-tracked “wall of sound” guitars. Listen close enough and you can hear the spittle flying from Johnny Rotten’s mouth.

Weezer / The Blue Album (1994)

Weezer, like The Cars before them, had their songs down cold. All they needed was a producer who knew enough to stay out of the way while simply capturing the right performances. Enter Ric Ocasek, one-time singer/guitarist for The Cars (who obviously learned a thing or two during the recording of their first album). Rivers’ heavy metal tendencies are presented as camp and, in doing so, kids who’d never be caught dead with a Quiet Riot album still get to air-guitar themselves into a lather to the songs on The Blue Album.

The Go-Go’s / Beauty & The Beat (1981)

It’s actually frightening to consider that this album is 30 years old because it forces me to also realize that my childhood crush, Jane Wiedlin, is just a few years shy of qualifying for her AARP card. Fuck, I think I might just start crying if I don’t shake this one off soon. Sure, they’ll always be known for “We Got The Beat” and “Our Lips Are Sealed”, but the entire album is absolutely chock-full of great songwriting from start to finish. Truth be told, there’s no filler to be found on this one, which, unfortunately cannot be said for the band’s second album, Vacation. Those who think the Bangles were the better band are out of their freakin’ minds.

Boston (1976)

Considering how long it has repeatedly taken band leader/perfectionist Tom Scholz to record subsequent albums, it is amazing this album ever saw the light of day. Recorded mostly in his home studio and hand-delivered to CBS Records in much the same condition as the version we all know as “the first Boston album”, this record literally jumped out of car speakers and grabbed millions of teenage rock fans by the throat, musically throttling them into submission. Scholz and company took simple ingredients (guitars, bass, drums, and vocals) and created a musical hybrid that sounds wholly unique and has yet to be effectively copied in the 35 years since this album came out. While Scholz’ genius is well-documented and the quality of his songs inarguable, one would be hard pressed to find a better vocalist to realize the greatness of the material than one Bradley Delp. He literally made the songs soar like the guitar-shaped spaceship that would become the band’s trademark.

Big Star / #1 Record (1972)

I’ve always thought that if this record came out today, it would still be ahead of its time. As with all pioneers, Big Star languished in obscurity, unknowingly paving the way for a multitude of other bands to rocket to fame and fortune years later. Upon its release, a Billboard magazine record review stated that “every cut could be a single” and they were absolutely right. Unfortunately, the band’s label encountered distribution troubles and was unable to keep a steady supply of the album in record stores. The buzz surrounding the band eventually fizzled, leaving this album as one of the great unsung masterpieces of the early ’70s.

Van Halen (1978)

Very few albums have landed with the seismic impact of the very first Van Halen record. Upon hearing “Running With The Devil” blasting out of their radios, thousands of teenage kids started emulating Eddie Van Halen’s one-of-a-kind guitar pyrotechnics. Frontman David Lee Roth was half-swashbuckler/half carnival barker, but hadn’t yet become the cartoon character he would be by ’81. In hindsight, Van Halen may have paved the way for the entire hair metal/Sunset Strip aesthetic, but, without that, there’d have been no Weezer, no Nirvana, or no Pearl Jam.

The Police / Outlandos D’Amour (1978)

This UK band was such an unlikely success story: 37-year-old guitarist, former prog-drummer, and a singer/bassist formerly of forgettable faux-jazzers Last Exit. Yet these likeable chaps hit upon a truly winning formula when they integrated reggae into their heady mix of guitar-driven anglo-pop. Few bands are so fortunate as to hit upon a sound that is entirely their own, but that’s what The Police did. Of course, there are still a few remnants of their punk days – “Next To You”, “Can’t Stand Losing You”, and “So Lonely”, to name just a few – but it is the floating reggae riddim of “Roxanne” that puts this band on the proverbial map.

Led Zeppelin / Led Zeppelin 1 (1969)

We’re hard-pressed to think of a single band whose debut album could be released as a “greatest hits” album as-is…other than Led Zeppelin and their absolutely hit-filled debut effort. Seriously, catch a load of the track listing:

“Good Times Bad Times”
“Babe I’m Gonna Leave You”
“You Shook Me”
“Dazed And Confused”

And that’s just side one!

Needless to say, this album remains a flawless template for heavy metal that has stood for over 40 years.

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Darren Robbins is a fellow graduate of the “Almost Famous” University, a gifted songwriter, raconteur and lovable curmudgeon.  When you’re not reading him here, check out his outstanding blog… FUDGEKNUCKLE…check out his new STORE as well.

At this point in the game, it would appear painfully obvious to anyone with an IQ greater than your garden variety sea snail, that Herman ‘I got all this stuff twirlin’ in mah brain’ Cain does not have what it takes to lead this great nation of ours. These past few weeks, this man’s intelligence, morality, integrity, and general credibility have been exposed as being virtually non-existent. Moreover, on the key litmus conservative issues like abortion, he’s consistently proven to be a pillar of inconsistency. Everything about this guy, from his inane economic policies, to his goofy cowboy hat, right down to his cheesy 70s porn mustache literally screams disaster!  

So why is he still afloat in the polls?

One could say that the right-wing contingent simply does not value intelligence or gravitas, that they just want a straight talker and someone they can relate to….but that ain’t the reason. Thing is, Cain isn’t relatable or a straight talker. His meandering, double-speak is so convoluted it borders on the schizophrenic. On top of that, the megalomaniacal way he refers to himself in the third person and his general used car salesman persona, could repulse even the sleaziest three-card-monty street hustler. Relatable this guy is not.

That, I feel, gets to the point of what I believe the attraction is.

For years, right-wing, working-class conservatives in this country have been comprised of mostly white guys. To cartoon-ify them, they’re the fat dudes that love sports and beer and view their America through Eisenhower colored glasses. They aggressively rattle off the talking points fed to them by trolls like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh to anyone within earshot, because it makes them feel well-informed.  They’re obtuse, and simply refuse to notice that the entire GOP agenda runs counter to their interests. Oh…and they’re obsessed with black people.

…and that is the attraction with Herman Cain.

After years of rightfully being painted as a collective of ignorant bigots, these blue-collar buffoons finally have that one black ‘friend’ they can wrap their arms around. Now they can say: “ I’m not racist! I like Herman Cain!!”

Case in point, Joe the plumber loves Cain.

In general, I’ve always been wary of white people that have that one black ‘friend’ – I call it ‘The King Of Queens’ syndrome. In the context of the sitcom, ‘the black friend’ is used to portray the white protagonists as being open minded and tolerant. Of course they’d have to be, I mean, one couldn’t possibly stomach the idea of being friends with a black person unless they had Job -like tolerance.

The ironic thing is, while Cain supporters consciously back this doofus in an effort to prove they don’t believe in erroneous black stereotypes, they are actually supporting a guy who typifies the shifty, shady, pimp-tastic, white woman harassing black man they’ve been fearing all their lives.

At the end of the day, I don’t believe Cain ever had any chance of being the GOP nominee for Prez, but along the way, it certainly appears that his followers have gotten a kick out of him. They love their new black friend. They talk about him loudly in public in between bites of bratwurst, and highlight how ‘articulate’ he is. He’s their ‘brother’ from another mother.

Their craven mendacity and poisonous insincerity is so transparent, it’s stifling.

“I have a small apartment, so please don’t buy me any gifts that aren’t food.”

“My life’s goal was to move to New York and eat out for every meal. I’ve accomplished that.”

“I don’t just dislike brunch. I hate brunch. People don’t believe me and they think I will go to brunch with them. But I have NEVER gone to brunch.”

“My friends don’t hate you, they’re just protective of me.”

“I’m going to end up breaking your heart, and this is my way of explaining it in advance” (on why he put Morphine’s ‘I’m Free Now’ as the first song on a mix tape)

“People get really upset when I tell them I work for FOX News. It’s just a job!”

“My ex didn’t speak English, but we communicated on a deeper level.”

“I’m not asking you to pay for ALL the food you eat out of my refrigerator – just the deli meats, because those are expensive.”

“This isn’t a necklace. It’s an Electromagnetic Field Protector.”

“You’re the only girl who has ever been able to take my cock.”

“I told you that I hate painted nails. You painted them just to insult me.”

“My ex-wife doesn’t let me see my son often, so don’t tell anyone you met him.”

“She’s the smartest person I have ever met in my WHOLE LIFE.” (on his ex-girlfriend)

“People don’t realize what’s involved in raising Guinea Pigs for show.”

“I don’t regret it. It was what I needed at the time. And some of the things they taught us were true.” (on living in a cult commune)

“How can you not like Sex in the City? It’s like… about our life!”

“I love you.” (third date)… “I don’t love you. It’s my medication.” (fourth date)

“Why did your mother work a second job? Why didn’t she just go to college? That’s stupid!”

“I pay for everything in cash. Why would I ever need a credit card? Stop telling me what to do!”

Him: “My parents gave me toys instead of love.” Me: “So you’d gladly give up the toys?” Him: “No way! The toys were AWESOME!”

“When you meet my family, you’re going to wonder how I turned out so normal.”

“I don’t watch porn. I think it’s disrespectful to women.”

“I’m in therapy because I’m addicted to porn.”

“The porn I like… I can’t tell you what it is, but it’s not what most people are into. It’s not… legal.”

“My therapist is the most important person in my life.”

“My pet peeve is liars. I hate how they try to change reality.” (said by a pathological liar)

“I will never betray you.”

“My father died, too. Get over it.”

“I always get bored of people, but I’m not bored of you yet.” 

and, last but not least:

“I can’t believe you asked me if I would mind if you had a glass of wine. You are such a selfish bitch.”

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Kyria Abrahams is the author of ’I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing.’ Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian home, she had two video games, one of which was ”Math Dragon.” She worked professionally as a web designer from 2000 to 2005 and once animated a palm tree using Flash. An avid photographer