Appearance is pretty much the ‘be end and end all’ when it comes to initially choosing a partner. Witty banter, intelligence, repartee mean nothing if you’re not up to snuff as far as your looks are concerned – the best you can hope for is friend status.
The reason we are in a constant state of cultural decline is that we have literally pickled our brains with sex.
Right off the bat, let me state for the record I’m a big fan of the randy, ribald, filthy, sleazy dirty talk during the act of sex – that is… as long as I’m not the one that has to do the talking.
When you write about sex and relationships, people tend to look to you like you’ve got some sort of clue as to what you’re talking about. Truth is, everyone’s got at least some modicum of insecurity when it comes to their own sexual prowess. Still, I do know a few ‘basics’ on the subject, and I’ve compiled them here, for you incompetent fumblers out there.
When you think about it, other than religion, penis anxiety has probably caused more bitterness, rage, violence and tragedy than any other factor since the dawn of man. I mean, you just know that Hitler had a small penis. It’s historical fact that he only had one ball.
Recently I received an e-mail from a friend of mine who asked me to help out with her new online dating profile. I readily accepted the challenge and offered up a pithy little bio highlighting her glorious attributes, infusing the prose with just a delicate hint of implied sauciness
I met J in an outdoor café in Budapest, she was clothed in crinoline of smoky burgundy and appeared softer than the rain. She also beared a slight resemblance to Art Garfunkel, but that’s neither here nor there.
Back in the quaint days pre-Internet, one would actually have to enter into some mighty dangerous terrain in order to satiate one’s sexual perversions. I remember those “porn runs” all too well. Five or six horny nerds stuffed into a parent’s car, driving down the Henry Hudson Parkway with high expectations, evading the homeless Windex washers, driving all teen jittery erratic and eventually stopping across from some sleazy sex shop in a pre-Disney Times square.
On a side note, I can see how it could get to be really annoying for Asian women sometimes. I’ve even noticed in some of their profiles the exclamation : ‘NO FETISHISTS PLEASE’.. Definitely annoying. I mean if a girl was dating me due to her fetish for cranky, cynical, depressive, miserable bastards, I’m not sure how I would take it..
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